Rethinking Safety in Washrooms

We all deserve to feel safe in every space, especially in places like washrooms. But how do we actually determine who is safe? For most people, it boils down to appearances - someone might look a little different from what we expect, and suddenly, our guard goes up. This instinct is deeply ingrained in society, but it’s not always an accurate way to judge if someone is safe.

Focusing solely on how someone looks can easily lead us astray. It can lead us to exclude people who are simply minding their own business and using washrooms properly, while overlooking someone whose behaviour is actually concerning. Think about it: a person with a masculine appearance quietly washing her hands or heading to a stall in a women’s washroom doesn't pose a threat, regardless of how she looks. On the other hand, staring, lingering or acting aggressively are troubling behaviours, regardless of who's doing them.

The truth is, safety isn't about who someone is; it's about what they do. Behaviour gives us concrete, observable information to assess, and we already know how to recognize actions that make spaces unsafe: harassment, intimidation and boundary violations are all crystal clear. These are the behaviours we should focus on, instead of letting appearances cloud our judgment and adversely impact both cisgender and transgender access to washrooms.

Shifting our focus from appearance to behaviour can also help us navigate those uncomfortable feelings that arise when someone doesn't fit into our preconceived notions of "belonging." Imagine: you see someone in a washroom who doesn't match your expectations. Discomfort might arise, but then you take a breath and make a note of their actions (without staring at them). Suddenly, the story you were telling yourself about them might not hold up.

This isn't just about creating inclusive spaces (although that's a wonderful outcome). It's about fostering a culture of shared respect and accountability. By paying attention to behaviour, we move towards a fairer and clearer approach to safety. Instead of relying on stereotypes or snap judgments, we’re focusing on what really matters.

And in doing so, we create spaces that feel safer and more welcoming for everyone. Letting go of our past  approaches to safety allows us to see the humanity in each other. After all, safety isn't about looking the part; it's about showing up with kindness and respect, and trusting that others can, too. Isn't that the kind of world we all want to live in?

Ready to rethink washroom safety? Download our free resource for a deeper dive into creating inclusive and respectful spaces for all.