Stress-Free Allyship: Moving Past the Thought: “What if My Mistakes Hurt Someone?”
For aspiring allies to the trans community, there are often those persistent, sticky thoughts that can get in the way of showing up fully. These are the thoughts that don’t seem to let go, even when we know we want to be supportive. Sometimes, it’s frustration with others’ inaction: “cis people should be doing more to support trans people.” Other times, it’s a nervous hesitation, feeling like “trans people need to tell us how to act and what to say.” And then there’s the big one that so many people struggle with: “What if I make a mistake and hurt someone?”
It’s a genuine, heartfelt worry. After all, we want to be respectful, to support others and to get things right. But sometimes, that very fear holds us back. We hesitate. We stay quiet. We shy away from conversations. In avoiding potential missteps, we lose those real moments of connection and the chance to offer genuine support.
The reality? Trans people are as wonderfully unique as anyone else, each with their own experiences, personalities and ways of responding. There’s no single “right” way to interact, no universal response to a question or comment. One person might see a question as a sign of interest, while another may feel uncomfortable discussing the topic. A misgendering or an awkward comment might roll off one person’s back, while it could feel hurtful or disappointing to someone else.
So what does allyship look like if there’s no one-size-fits-all approach? It’s simple: it’s about showing up, staying present and respecting each person’s individuality - just as we would with anyone else.
Letting Go of Perfection in Allyship
To truly move past the fear of hurting someone, let’s remind ourselves of a freeing truth: no two people react the same way, and not every mistake will “land” with a heavy impact. Mistakes happen. Some may cause discomfort or hurt, but others might be met with understanding - or even humour. In fact, mistakes can often lead to growth - not just for you, but for those around you. Missteps can deepen understanding, spark meaningful conversations and even provide valuable learning opportunities for others. By letting go of the idea that every error will be catastrophic, we create space for more authentic interactions. Real allyship isn’t about perfect words or flawless interactions; it’s about showing respect, being willing to learn, and embracing growth from each experience.
When we approach conversations with an open mind, we can focus on the person in front of us rather than letting our own fears take centre stage. And yes, mistakes will happen - that’s okay. What matters most is acknowledging them, responding genuinely, and listening closely to each person. Real growth comes when we’re open to learning, when we’re flexible and when we’re committed to being the best ally we can be in each unique situation.
Join Us for a Free Stress-Free Allyship Demo
In our Stress-Free Allyship sessions, we dive deep into these ideas, giving allies the practical tools to engage with trans people in a supportive, flexible and compassionate way. These sessions are all about dialogue between attendees - real-time, meaningful conversations where attendees talk through their hesitations while being supported by a framework of questions. This approach allows the experience to be deeply personal, helping you address the fears or doubts that are holding you back and providing tools that can be used if you find yourself stuck on any other stressful thoughts in the future. It’s not about memorizing scripts or rules; it’s about unlocking what you already know and finding clarity in the moment.
On December 3rd, we’re hosting a free 1.5-hour demo session to explore these techniques, helping you shift from fear to confidence in real-world situations. This demo is the perfect chance to see if our Stress-Free Allyship sessions, launching in January, could be a good fit for your team.
Reserve your demo spot today - with limited spaces, booking early ensures you’ll get a slot. Let’s make allyship a little less intimidating and a lot more connected, one conversation at a time.